Jumping the Puddle

Thursday, April 13, 2006


Last night I had dinner with my friend The Oracle. The Oracle has the ability to dispense enlightened advice about questions that have vexed humanity for centuries. "What color should I paint my toenails?" I have implored. "Child. Such as the Sun shall set undisturbed, your toes shall display Ballet Slipper #04."

I realized two things during my dinner with The Oracle. One, eel sushi is my favorite sushi, mainly because it has its own sauce. Two, I have entered Grown-Up Going Out stage, as diagnosed by The Oracle. I had become quite unsettled by my sudden refusal to (a) dance on bartops, (b) order Jell-O shots or any other shots of the solid variety, (c) leave my nest any later than 9:59pm, and (d) make out with strangers at a bar just because he is, like, totally cute, and, oh my God, we both, like, totally like the movie Memento, hiccup.

The Oracle explained that my predicament is not caused, as I suspected, by an acute case of Lamelouise Syndrome. "Such as the leaf that turns green, you have entered Grown-Up Going Out stage. Child." Relieved, I baptized myself with a piece of sushi (eel) and listened intently.

As described by the Oracle, GUGO involves, first, the consumption of non-Pizza foods at a fancy restaurant (or an unfancy establishment that has become fancy by virtue of being so unfancy) between the hours of 8:00-10:00pm. GUGO is also characterized, later in the night's sojourn, by strict avoidance of bouncers and bouncees, as well as the consumption of micro brews. GUGO, however, might still involve outing of the make, but only after both parties have agreed that we should, like, totally not bomb Iran.

I think I'm ready to embrace GUGO. These pawsies have seen one too many double-vision views from the bartop. It's time to sit down like a nice young lady and play Grown-Up drinking games, such as "How Much Would I Have to Pay You to Sleep with Gary Busey?"

So, who's with me?


At 4/17/2006 9:55 AM, Anonymous Lynn said...

Yes, the onset of GUGO can be quite shocking, but once you've accepted it, it really can be very satisfying. It leaves you open to judging all those crazy youngsters with belly jewelery and tongue studs.


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